Who Declared the War on Women?



by Dr. Leon R. Koziol

When I heard about Megyn Kelly and this War on Women being waged by Donald Trump, like any conscientious American, I offered to enlist my services to defend our country against a pending invasion. Admittedly I had selfish reasons: two precious daughters, hot girlfriends, the best mom a guy could hope for, and countless women I have protected over the years as a civil rights advocate. God forbid some guy named Trump would harm them in any way.

The problem was I could find nothing to show that this Donald guy harmed any woman, let alone someone I knew. Worse yet, I discovered that I was an unwitting member of the enemy camp, a likely conscript of the Trump juggernaut, a person of opposite gender and a full one-half of the human population. The invaders were everywhere, well beyond the skills of our finest military personnel. It was a war like no other, and I must confess it scared the Hillary out of me.

The first thing I logically did was consult our Constitution to check for veracity. It clearly stated that only Congress could declare this war. Alas there was no such declaration. But because that never stopped any president in recent memory, I knew this war could be occurring without our consent. And that required me to investigate further even if it meant wiping out the other half of humanity and our species altogether. Hey don’t blame me, I had nothing to do with this war.

I then learned that such a war could only be declared by a member of an obscure faction known as IML (Insecure Man-hating Liberals). The other wars included poverty, the environment and the War on Wars (2008 presidential elections). Sadly we lost all of them with the exception of a highly classified War on Fathers in our nation’s family courts. With all of Trump’s wealth and success rates in comparison, I knew we were in real trouble.

So I visited the SWDC (Strategic Woman Defense Command) headed by, you guessed it, Megyn Kelly. Someone named Caitlyn refused entry due to enemy suspicions, but I was able to learn the action plan from e-mails of our former Secretary of State. In a nutshell, it was to fake an attack like Tonkin Bay, alarm the public to expand our federal bureaucracy and raise taxes until the last factory left for China. My gosh, the Soviets were right! We could be conquered from within.

In the end I surmised that Orson Welles must have been a part of all the hysteria. His 1938 radio classic, War of the Worlds, caused widespread panic based on a Martian invasion. Learning from history and the likes of Queen Victoria or Catherine the Great, I concluded that this War on Women was actually a War on Men and an insult to all who served our country in the real wars. Over 58,000 are found on the Viet Nam Wall in Washington D.C. All but eight are men.

August 20, 2015

Dr. Leon R. Koziol

(315) 796-4000


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